My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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