I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
