Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
