I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
