I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm passing your future prison.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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