She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
