Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You took a bar mat shot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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