don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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