Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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