It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
