I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
