mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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