Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
