And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
