Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
