I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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