Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
