it's great music for shaving your balls
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
