fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
