legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
