i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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