why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
