I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
