You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
