Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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