If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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