Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
