I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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