my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
