i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
