Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
