After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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