Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
