Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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