I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
