I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
