Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
