why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
