Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
