Moan for me like Helen Keller
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
