this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
