and next time when you feel me up, do it right
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
