Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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