last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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