SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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