I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
