I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
