have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
