Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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