goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
