Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fuck appropriateness.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
