I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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