he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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