on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone came in the potted fern
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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